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The Tebow game  

Guaranteed to get you hammered.

We have a new drinking game to play this weekend...read below.

In honor of Tebow\'s sheer awesomeness, we give you the Tebow SEC
Championship Drinking Game!
* Drink every time Tebow\'s called "a leader," then salute.
* Drink every time Tebow\'s called a "special athlete," then yell "Tiiiimmmmmmmmay!"
* Finish your drink if the announcers suggest Tebow should win the Heisman again this year.
* Drink every time Tebow points to the sky. Then realize the only reason the sky hasn\'t fallen is the strength of his pointing.
* Drink every time Tebow references God. Or himself. Tom-A-to. Tom-ah-to.
* Drink every time he\'s shown on the sidelines flapping his arms like a bird to pump up the crowd.
* If (when) Tebow actually takes flight, finish your drink and do a shot.
* Drink every time Tebow\'s on camera for no reason when the Florida defense is on the field.
* Drink every time Tebow is seen screaming with his helmet off.
* Drink every time they show a "I Heart Tebow" sign in the stands.
*Drink every time Tebow is called "a warrior."
* Shot every time they mention his experience as missionary.
* If they mention him performing circumcisions in the Philippines while he was a missionary - Chug your beer, do a shot of Patron.
* Drink every time Meyer touches Tebow. Finish the beer if he puts his arm around Tebow. If he nuzzles with Tebow\'s facemask, perform the strikeout from Beerfest.
* Drink every time they show Tebow\'s face black. If you can read the bible verse, take a double shot. Take a triple shot if Verne actually quotes the bible verse.
* Drink if they reference "The Promise". Take a double if they play the whole thing. Take a triple if they show the plaque at Florida Field.

(Disclaimer: Playing the Tebow drinking game may well result in death. So don\'t do it. Ever. Not even in jest. The content above this disclaimer is a joke, not a suggestion. If you\'re dumb enough to do it, just pray Tebow is nearby. Only he can save you. Him or a local hospital with a stomach pump.)

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It\'s time to face facts about sports
television

By NORMAN CHAD


Monday, November 16, 2009

These are 23 (more) facts, tried and true, about the widening world of sports
television:

1. When he\'s at home, I imagine Fox\'s Tony Siragusa stands in the corner of
the backyard and shouts out stuff his family doesn\'t understand.

2. In a lifetime full of miscalculations, I believe I have watched more sports
television than the human body was designed to absorb.

3. How can it be The Golf Channel and not include one stinkin\' hour of
miniature golf?

4. If they can make flat-screen TVs, wouldn\'t you think they could build
one into an ironing board?

5. Fox\'s Frank Caliendo: Very funny.

5a. I guess if Frank Caliendo were less funny, he\'d get his own late-night
talk show on ABC.

6. If I hear "Hail to the Redskins" one more time while sitting in an
out-of-town bar from fellow bar patrons after the team kicks a field goal,
mark my words -- I am driving to Redskins Park and ripping that offensive
logo right off the building.

7. Barack Obama may be the leader of the free world, but ESPN appears
to be the leader of the rest of the world.

8. Who says Hollywood is a tough town? With no prior experience,
Michael Strahan got a broadcasting job and an acting job.

9. For the record, I also know a poker broadcaster who has no poker
experience.

10. If ESPN covered the Last Supper, you\'ve got to figure they would\'ve
put Judas on the Budweiser Hot Seat.

11. I finally realized why I know the Fox robot -- he made the dean\'s list
my junior year at the University of Maryland.

12. An inadvertent whistle might\'ve prevented my second marriage.

(Column Intermission: I chose not to pay $54.95 to view the Manny
Pacquiao-Miguel Cotto fight; rather, I watched the weigh-in the day
before, live, for free. Heck, the trainers nearly rumbled, and it didn\'t cost
me a cent. Inexplicably, there was no coin toss -- I think you want to step
on the scale first, to put pressure on your opponent -- but there were
announcers blathering and masses roaring and all the usual sporting
excesses we\'ve come to expect from our slowly sinking superpower
of a nation.)

13. If Roger Goodell were commissioner of CBS, David Letterman would
just be completing his six-week suspension.

14. Last year Chris Berman did TV spots for Nutrisystem, this year he\'s
doing TV spots for Applebee\'s. Isn\'t this playing both ends against the
middle?

15. Jim Gray\'s back on TV; boy, there must be 500 channels out there.

16. Memo to Doug Collins: If "points off turnovers" are so important,
how come Congress has never held a hearing about them?

17. I want a medical study commissioned if whether watching excessive
erectile dysfunction commercials can actually cause erectile dysfunction.

18. If dental offices put ESPNews on an endless loop, I guess I wouldn\'t
mind getting a cavity filled.

19. CNN\'s Lou Dobbs says he\'s been urged "to go beyond my role here."
I have been urged to go inside my role here and shut the door behind me.

20. I see Max Kellerman is doing boxing on HBO. Hasn\'t the sport taken
enough blows to the head?

20a. Replacing Larry Merchant with Max Kellerman is like replacing a
fireplace with a fire hydrant.

21. If you watch CBS\'s "The NFL Today" with closed captioning, you see
the expression "[UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER]" every seven seconds.

22. Sound-a-likes: The mating of the wildebeest and Gus Johnson\'s
play-by-play.

23. Frankly, I believe field position is more important in the game of life than
in the game of football.

Q. If John Calipari takes Kentucky to the Final Four and has the season
essentially erased due to NCAA sanctions, it would be the third school at
which he will have done that. Is that record more unbreakable than Bobby
Knight\'s 902 career victories? (John G. Roby; Avon Lake, Ohio)

A. Pay the man, Shirley.

Q. To promote safe-sex practices, will the University of Louisville be
issuing tablecloths to all incoming freshmen or just to those on the
basketball team? (Steve Gallagher; Milwaukee)

A. Pay this fella, too.

Q. Does John Calipari have a plastic surgeon-on-retainer to reduce the
size of his nose every time he speaks? (Michael Woods; Houston)

A. It pays -- exactly $1.25 -- to be a keen observer of college basketball.

Q. Rick Pitino was pictured in the Louisville media guide with the pope
last year. Who is he pictured with this year, former senator John Edwards?
(T. Ponton; Hyattsville)

A. Another slam dunk, another buck-and-a-quarter.


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\'Commissioner of Tailgating\' offers
pregame tips

By Steve Almasy, CNN
November 2, 2009 2:18 p.m. EST
\"Joe
Joe Cahn, seen here soaking in a hot tub at a Detroit Lions tailgate party, calls himself the
"Commissioner of Tailgating."
 

(CNN) -- Joe Cahn calls tailgates the last great American neighborhoods.

On Saturdays, especially in the South, tailgating means having a party with thousands of your friends,
old and new. College campuses are full of makeshift tent communities, where there are no privacy
fences separating neighbors. It\'s just a bunch of folks having some drinks, grilling out and actually
talking to each other.

"Even if you are not a football fan, you can be a fan of tailgating," Cahn says from his home in New
Orleans, Louisiana, where he is looking forward to his seventh trip to the Army-Navy game in
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in December. And that\'s as much for the camaraderie as it is for the
game itself.

You see, Cahn loves, loves, loves a good tailgate, and he has seen a few in his new line of "work."
He\'s been to more than 500 in the past decade since he sold his New Orleans School of Cooking
and started the Web site tailgating.com. His travels include more than 120 college games for the
self-described "Commissioner of Tailgating."

If anyone knows where the party is, it\'s Cahn. Take, for example, his trips to pregame parties at Ford
Field in Detroit, Michigan, which annually hosts a game on Thanksgiving Day.

Detroit partiers trick out their tailgates in very cool ways -- literally and figuratively. Recently Cahn
found himself enjoying a dip in a hot tub, despite 25-degree temperatures.

As for college tailgates, Cahn\'s been to all the top spots.

The first one he enthusiastically mentions is the school that was repeatedly mentioned by many
fans and frequent college football tailgaters: Oxford, Mississippi, home of Ole Miss.

Even if you are not a football fan, you can be a fan of tailgating.
--Joe Cahn, self-dubbed "Commissioner of Tailgating"

They tailgate in an area known as The Grove, for its many oaks, elms and magnolias. It opens the
night before a game at 6, and you need to get there early to set up your spot. Cahn says the people
are super-friendly even to fans of opposing teams. When asked about Ole Miss, male fans of other
Southeastern Conference schools pointed to the scenery -- and we\'re not talking about the trees.

The same tailgaters can be found in the same place year after year, and enterprising undergrads
set up tents for alumni for as much as a few hundred bucks.

Many fans wear their best clothes and use crystal on their tables.

Everyone feels comfortable leaving their food out (except the deviled eggs), even during the game,
because sharing truly is caring. And if you don\'t cook any food, you can always stop by Abner\'s for
some chicken tenders.

As a tailgater once told The New York Times: "We may not win every game. But we\'ve never lost a
party."

Other hot spots

The SEC takes its tailgating very seriously. The Georgia-Florida game in Jacksonville, Florida, is
known informally as the World\'s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party, and Cahn says the event is not
overhyped. Hundreds of thousands of fans travel to it, and after the tailgate takes a break for the
game, most head to bars to watch.

Custom BBQ Sauce Recipe

Start with two bottles of your favorite sauce.

Add roughly 8 ounces of fruit jam or preserves, approximately 1/4 cup cherry juice or other fruit
juice and 1/4 teaspoon of smoked chipotle powder.

Blend over medium-low heat and simmer for 20-30 minutes.

Add (to taste) your favorite jams or jellies, spices, butter, apple cider vinegar, molasses, honey
or maple syrup.

Another popular spot is Baton Rouge, Louisiana, home of Louisiana State, where the food is the
best in the league, several frequent tailgaters say. The menu even includes alligator. (Fans from
Gainesville, Florida, probably go for jambalaya or gumbo instead.) And there\'s plenty of food for
everyone.

"Louisiana people can\'t cook for just one or two people," Cahn says.

Outside-of-conference notables include University Park, Pennsylvania, home to Penn State and
Beaver Stadium, the largest college stadium, with more than 107,000 seats. Cahn says the fall
weather doesn\'t deter the Nittany Lions fans, and there is a ton of room to tailgate.

He also likes sterngating in Seattle, Washington, where Husky Stadium sits near Lake Washington.
On Saturdays, a few thousand fans arrive by boat.

What to bring

Before you pack the car -- or boat -- for the trip, it\'s important to make a checklist, Cahn says. You
might need to buy a few items before heading to the game and firing up the grill.

That includes a small fire extinguisher.

Let\'s face it, not everyone who will be milling through your party will be sound of legs. One stumble,
one knocked-over grill, and there will be a few panicked moments.

And if you\'re using charcoal, you\'ll need an extra gallon of water to douse the fire when you\'re done
cooking. You don\'t want to miss the first quarter because you were waiting for the coals to cool.

"People will buy these little grills and roast some hot dogs," says Clint Cantwell, a champion
barbecuer from New York whose blog is http://blog.smokeindaeye.com/.

"They don\'t want to lose the grill, so they put the lid on, close up the vents and stick them under
their car. You don\'t want to lose a $25,000 car because you wanted to save a $25 grill."

If you\'re doing the cooking, he also suggested buying an organizer with a few plastic drawers where
you can keep things like a can opener and salt and pepper shakers.

Toilet paper is also a necessity. The closer it gets to kickoff, the more fans will be using the portable
toilets. You don\'t want to get, um, stuck with your pants down.

One frequent tailgater -- a friend who has been to more than 90 stadiums -- says it\'s important to
have a generator, especially since you will want to bring a TV to watch the pregame show -- or your
conference rivals go down in flames. But check first; some schools don\'t approve of generators.

And bring Cornhole -- it\'s a game -- or a Frisbee or a football to toss around.

If you\'re an invitee, not the inviter, just check with the host to see what you can bring, Cahn says. It\'s
like being on a team, not everyone has to be the quarterback. Some of us like being the "lineman"
who gets to bring the dip and the chips.

Cantwell and Cahn say getting things ready at home is crucial. Maybe you do like standing over the
grill while others are chatting, drinking and having fun. Maybe it\'s your alone time. But why not make
the burgers, the chili or the bacon wrap sausages the day before? You can heat them up at the
tailgate, and they are just as tasty.


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